When I was younger, it was a popular theory that if you just hated yourself enough you would be motivated enough to change yourself for the better. In particular, hate was a particularly common motivator to get fit or for weight loss. You had to hate yourself, and how you looked, to have any amount of drive to get better.
And unfortunately, this rhetoric hasn't changed. In particular, it seems to be popular on social media to talk about shaming your overweight or obese friends into getting fitter. This often comes from men who are visibly in shape saying "let's normalise bullying our friends into the gym. Look at this picture of past me a little bit chubbier. I was unhappy, and I just wish my friends bullied me into getting into better shape."
I think they call this survivorship bias. A logical error which occurs when someone focuses only on examples of successful outcomes and overlooks examples of failures. This leads to a skewed perspective, where you might believe that success is more common or easier to achieve than it is. In the example of bullying someone into getting healthier: just because you may have been hyper-critical of yourself, or your friends were of you, and you got fit, that doesn't mean that it works for everyone.
In fact, research shows us the opposite occurs.
Firstly, we need to discuss the complex factors that contribute to someone being overweight or obese. Whilst it is true that the amount of body fat a person holds is largely a result of the energy balance equation (calories in vs calories out), and the amount of muscle is a result of how often, if at all, someone practices resistance training, there are a multitude of additional variables that play a part in those outcomes.
These can be bucketed as such:
Lifestyle Choices:
This is what we just listed.
Diet Decisions.
The composition of your diet from a nutrient and caloric perspective.
Activity Levels.
How much are you walking or what other health-promoting activities could you be doing?
Diseases and Medications
Weight gain can be linked to medical issues and medication. Such as hypothyroidism, Cushing syndrome or antidepressants.
Socioeconomic Factors
It's hard to avoid obesity if you dont live in a safe area to walk or exercise, or dont have access to healthy food options. There's also an old saying that you are simply the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If those people don't partake in regular exercise or healthy eating, it'll be likely that you won't either.
Age
Excessive weight gain isn't linked to a particular age, but as we get older and work and life challenges increase, our activity levels tend to drop as well. If you're not hyperaware of your activity levels and diet, the chances of unwanted weight gain increase.
Psychological Challenges
Stress and poor mental health are intricately connected to unhealthy lifestyle choices, which can manifest in various ways, including excessive eating and a significant decrease in physical activity. These behaviors often stem from emotional responses to stressors in our lives, whether they are related to work, personal relationships, or other sources of anxiety. When individuals experience high levels of stress, their ability to make rational and health-conscious decisions can be severely impaired, leading them to opt for quick, convenient, and often unhealthy food options instead of taking the time to prepare nutritious meals.
In fact, it's this last bucket of unhealthy behaviors that I wanted to highlight, as it plays a crucial role in the cycle of stress and poor health choices.
When we engage in discussions about motivating our friends or loved ones to adopt healthier habits, it is essential to consider the impact of our words and actions. Bullying or shaming someone into getting healthier may seem like a well-intentioned approach, but it can inadvertently contribute to the very behaviors we aim to change. When we criticize or make someone feel ashamed about their body or weight, we are not fostering a supportive environment. Instead, we may be pushing them deeper into a cycle of unhealthy behaviors. The more we shame someone, especially regarding sensitive topics such as their body image or dietary choices, the more likely they are to react defensively by doubling down on non-health-promoting behaviors, such as excessive calorie consumption or even binge eating.
During stressful times, it is common for individuals to seek solace in food as a form of comfort. This tendency can be observed in various situations, whether it be the pressures of work, personal challenges, or ongoing mental health struggles. As someone who has faced mental health challenges in the past, I can personally attest to how easy it is to abandon healthy eating goals in favor of convenience and instant gratification. In moments of emotional turmoil, it often feels easier to say 'stuff it' and reach for a quick fix, such as ordering a pizza from Domino's, rather than putting in the effort to prepare a balanced, home-cooked meal. The allure of junk food lies in its ability to provide a quick dopamine hit, offering a temporary escape from the stressors of life. This pattern of behavior can create a vicious cycle, where the momentary pleasure derived from unhealthy eating further exacerbates feelings of guilt and shame, ultimately leading to a decline in overall mental health and well-being.
So when we push a rhetoric based entirely around shaming our friends into getting better, or hitting the gym, just because that mentality may have worked for us, we need to be cognizant of the fact that real life actually tells us otherwise. We could in fact be contributing to the very environment keeping them at arms length from healthy habits.
One final point to make is this: our eyes are actually poor measures of another person's metabolic health.
That is to say that just because to us someone may appear overweight and unhealthy, we actually don't know this for sure. Someone in a bigger body may get more steps in than us. Or hit the gym. Or take part in sport. It is entirely possible to carry adipose tissue and still be healthy. So just because someone doesn't look the way we think they should look doesn't give us permission to discuss their weight, or shame them, or bully them into looking a certain way.
Getting shredded isn't the same as getting healthy. Getting jacked isn't the same as peak health.
And bullying your friends doesn't make you a good friend.
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